It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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