a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
