Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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