The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
