i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
