i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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