I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
