...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
