She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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