How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God I need to hump something, right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize