Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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