Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
