And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
