Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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