I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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