Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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