it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
