I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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