I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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