As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
