My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
