I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
