And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
