I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
