I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
