Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
