Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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