went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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