so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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