I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize