Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Less talking, more tequila
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
