He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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