the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize