I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
