Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
