You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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