If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
