Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
