A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
