glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
