dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
