do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
