You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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