is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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