What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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