well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
