I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
