Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
