Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
