Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
