Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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