So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
