So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
