The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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