apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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