i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't deserve a penis
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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