Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
