Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize