Four minutes until I can fart!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
