I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
