What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
