i wish starbucks made bloody marys
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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