is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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