I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
