it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Pants 0. Shit 1.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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