I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
