It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
