I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
