if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
