Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i think im in europe. pls send help
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
