I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
