that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize